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| 15105 | F(x) walked into a bar. The barman said.. |
| Full Idea: F(x) walked into a bar. The barman said, 'Sorry, we don't cater for functions'. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12408 | Sartre to Waitress: Coffee with no cream, please... |
| Full Idea: Sartre to Waitress: Coffee with no cream, please. Waitress: Sorry, we're out of cream; would no milk do? | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12397 | Said Plato: 'The things that we feel... |
| Full Idea: Said Plato: 'The things that we feel/ Are not ontologically real,/ But just the excrescence/ Of numinous essence/ Our senses can never reveal.' [Basil Ransome-Davis] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12407 | Barman to Descartes: Would you like another drink?... |
| Full Idea: Barman to Descartes: Would you like another drink? Descartes: I think not (...and promptly vanishes) | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12399 | There was a young student called Fred... |
| Full Idea: There was a young student called Fred,/ Who was questioned on Descartes and said:/ 'It's perfectly clear/ That I'm not really here,/ For I haven't a thought in my head.' [V.R. Ormerod] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 20963 | A philosopher and his wife are out for a drive... |
| Full Idea: A philosopher and his wife are out for a drive in the country. 'Oh look!' she says, 'Those sheep have been shorn.' 'Yes', says the philosopher, 'on this side'. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12402 | ..But if he's a student of Berkeley... |
| Full Idea: (continued from 12401) ..But if he's a student of Berkeley,/ One thing will emerge, rather starkly,/ That he ought to believe/ What his senses perceive,/ No matter how dimly or darkly. [Leslie Johnson] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12409 | The philosopher Berkeley once said.. |
| Full Idea: The philosopher Berkeley once said/ In the dark to a maid in his bed:/ 'No perception, my dear,/ Means I'm not really here,/ But only a thought in your head.' [P.W.R. Foot] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12403 | There once was a man who said: 'God... |
| Full Idea: There once was a man who said: 'God/ Must think it exceedingly odd/ If he finds that this tree/ Continues to be,/ When there's no-one about in the Quad.' [Ronald Knox] (reply in 12404) | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12404 | Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd.... |
| Full Idea: (reply to 12403) Dear Sir, Your astonishment's odd:/ I am always about in the Quad./ And that's why the tree/ Will continue to be,/ Since observed by Yours faithfully, God.' [anon] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 14694 | "My dog's got synaesthesia." How does he smell? ..... |
| Full Idea: "My dog's got synaesthesia." How does he smell? "Purple." | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12401 | A toper who spies in the distance... |
| Full Idea: A toper who spies in the distance,/ Striped tigers, will get some assistance/ From reading Descartes,/ Who holds that it's part/ Of his duty to doubt their existence. ... [Leslie Johnson] - (continued in 12402) | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12410 | There once was a man who said 'Damn!... |
| Full Idea: There once was a man who said 'Damn!/ It is borne in upon me I am/ An engine that moves/ In predestinate grooves:/ I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram.' [M.E. Hare] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 9392 | How do behaviourists greet each other? |
| Full Idea: How do behaviourists greet each other? Hi - you're fine, how am I? | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12405 | 'If you're aristocratic,' said Nietzsche... |
| Full Idea: 'If you're aristocratic,' said Nietzsche,/ 'It's thumbs up, you're OK. Pleased to mietzsche./ If you're working-class bores,/ It's thumbs down and up yours!/ If you don't know your place, then I'll tietzsche.' [Gerry Hamill] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 9391 | Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? |
| Full Idea: Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 12400 | Cries the maid: 'You must marry me Hume!'... |
| Full Idea: Cries the maid: 'You must marry me Hume!'/ A statement that made David fume./ He said: 'In cause and effect,/ There is a defect;/ That it's mine you can only assume.' [P.W.R. Foot] | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 16527 | Causation - we all thought we knew it/ Till Hume came along and saw through it/…. |
| Full Idea: Causation - we all thought we knew it / Till Hume came along and saw through it / We notice that A / Follows B every day / And frankly that's all there is to it. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 17592 | The barman called 'Time!', and Augustine said..... |
| Full Idea: The barman called 'Time!'. Augustine: 'I don't know what you mean, though I did before you said that'. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |
| 15208 | The past, present and future walked into a bar.... |
| Full Idea: The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense. | |||
| From: Will Sommers (talk [2019]) |